Three hundred years ago multiple meteors broke into earth's atmosphere and landed in various places. The meteors change the world. By releasing strange substances into the earth, air, and water the planet started to change. It was not until ten years later that the first batch of superhumans was born. They had abilities that could not be explained. Superspeed. Superstrength. Magic. The superhumans showed the world that all of it was possible. They called the abilities EXO and the people who wielded such an ability, EXO users.
They quickly found out that not every EXO was the same. One EXO user had one EXO ability and what that ability was could be categorized into one of three types. Offensive, Defensive or Support.
The government was the first to act after five years. Every EXO user must be subjected to whole new laws and they must get their abilities under control. Specialized schools were built all across the world that were made to train them. Under the pretense of saying it was to develop their abilities, the government was actually building an army. Humans were not the only ones to change…
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Now complex stories are all nice and good but there is a trap in which this story has fallen. That is the complexity is being layered on with more story elements however there are few resolutions. By the end of the second volume the main character has joined a club and fought one major battle. The character is portrayed as very perceptive and mature but does not hold too his own wariness and makes compromises with no benefits with known antagonizes. There is a lot of content for the story but the characters do not make decisions congruent for their architypes and charters are forced to make decisions for the sake of story progression. The main character wants to be in the special forces aka stealth and intelligence operations and yet is being played like a bad violin. While a good start this story can probable be a first draft. In a complex story style, the writer needs a clear plan so that while complex it is not a twisted ball of yarn. Also, this story is written like an anime, while the style is fine watching and reading are very different mediums so it is necessary to be careful when writing to add visual and visceral language so that the environment and the characters are fully portrayed.
The biggest things I can say now is the character architypes need to be congruent with their decisions and perception. The reader development needs to be a focus so that the readers know if and what clues need to be looked out for. The pacing needs to be redone so that events are better spaced.
When writing focus on one story ark at a time while foreshadowing events for future arks, the use of alternate POVs and environmental references can be utilized to do this. This makes the world complex while not having the story become convoluted. Something complex like this needs to be planned out and not just layered. Having the reader have see two faces of the main character can give a mysterious and complex feeling while keeping the plot the same.
Such as (The main character infiltrates the school. Main objective, save his mother’s legs. Secondary objective, gain independence from his father. One perspective is shared with the class and his public actions. Second perspective is his direct thoughts goals to archive this. The world is betrayed as ruthless so the main character has to be ruthless. Ways to gain independence is to gain a powerful backer/sponsor. Black mail of information of his father’s illicit deeds. Double play, try to anticipate and play up his father while feeding false information and making independent connections.)
I have hopes that this story can be refined into something very good but right now it needs some fine tuning from the author and a definite plan for development.
''Oh wow, a story similiar to Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei! This is going to be good!''
We begin our story following our mc Nick Wilson as he enters school in his search of a way to join the special forces. Brought forth by a deal with his estranged father, so his paralytic mother can be given the treatment needed for her to walk again.
A noble goal to kick off our story.
Sadly this goal mostly takes a backseat as our mc passively flows through the story and having some brief, but unsatisfying encounters with other characters.
The little exposition we get is pretty intriguing, but there's barely any of it in the first volume.
Neither do we get anything close to proper conflict. In fact, barely anything happens in the first volume.
With the end of the first volume and the beginning of the second things are finally beginning to pick up steam. Sadly that petered out pretty quick.
What we do get is a bunch of unresolved sub plots and a build up of our mc's mysterious power; that turns out to be hilariously tame.
There is a hint of some grand plot building up in the background, but with the mc's passive personality I'm going to be extremely surprised if he does anything to try resolve it.
As to the side characters, I can barely remember them. They're just kinda there. The only ones getting a semblance of character development is Freya and Matthew, which is still barely anything.
Flesh out your first volume, resolve your side plots, focus more on your side characters and slow down the speed of the story.
I do genuinely believe this story can turn out great, but as of now; it is nowhere near it.
I agree that it is very similar with Mahouka Koukou.
I advise that you don't read this if you do not want any spoiler on Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei
Firstly,the protagonist is not similar to Tatsuya very much probably due to his occasional acts of pervertedness compared to Tatsuya who is a badass through and through.True they r both badasses but the protag in this story feels more relaxed.
Second,The story takes place in school and we see that the teacher in this story has a similar role to the counselor in Mahouka Koukou (except that this one's a guy).Then,there's that Arthur kid (get it,Arthur Kidd?) who's purpose in the story is to agitate the standing between the support and offense classes.His character has the same purpose as Morisaki Shun in Mahouka Koukou.
Third,this story had a very similar event that also happened in Mahouka Koukou which is the Bus Accident.The difference between this one and the other is that they r heading for training rather than a competition and they also suffered casualties (i'm pretty sure Mahouka Koukou didn't suffer any casualties).
Fourth,It is proven that this protagonist hates his sister.Although we don't know whether the feeling is mutual.It also says that said sister is a 'half-sister' which means he can marry her just like Tatsuya and Miyuki but let us hope that this doesn't go towards that route.
Lastly,It mentions on the topic of the 100 families.This same thing with the exact same name was also in Mahouka Koukou.
It could be said that this is a Mahouka Koukou fanfiction which showcases the story in a different location.Who knows,the secret group that was said in the story might a military group called STARS (anybody who read Mahouka Koukou would know).
As a reader i think that this is a good story and the only complaint i have would be is how the manifestation ability is too sudden to be introduced in the story and that it was very broken.
But as a fan of the Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei series i will say this.TO WHOMEVER THAT HAVEN'T READ MKNR YET,REMEMBER THIS IS NOT ORIGINAL.
Lastly,i'm sorry if i offended the author with this review and that i will continue reading the story.
Overall great story Blue! The main issue is that the main characters need further elaboration and the story starts off pretty slow. But most story's do this so I believe everything will turn out fine. Really hope it turns out great!
The stories a blatant copy of the anime in the title. With the same sifting, power style and character group. The main character also joins the disciplinary comitee. The only difference is the lack of a pseudo romance between the main character and half sister (yet)
Apart from the blatant plagarism its well written and enjoyable to read.
Just amazing absolutely amazing great work it really grabbed my attention from the start I was really sad when I reached the last chapter can't wait to see more there characters are all great and I really like how you tell the story
Enjoy the story for a bunch of chapters, but stopped reading around Black Crown First Year (III) pt 27.
It got weird.
He was going to get married and his Mom that's in a wheelchair was being brainwashed.
Very similar to Mahouka, but with its own twist, obviously. Grammar has been good, with very few errors. I'm no expert, though haha.
Anyway, not much to say tbh, only that it's been a very good read. Check it out if you like the tags.
the chapters here are weirdly short, but so the story is exceptional. some similarity to the irregular at magic high school series, but without the stillted japanese awkwardness.
This is a really fun story. Modern feels with a fantasy setting.
Very few typos, but a great read!