This is the Wrong World! (Beta Version)
It's not her fault she was born with a face that screams arrogance and villainy! Maybe, she should have controlled her temper and not called the Goddess a slut. But after being cursed, ten years later, Izo finally defeats the Demon King and is sent home. Except there is one small problem, it's the wrong world!
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Note that as of Oct. 17 2017 this work has been edited - therefor this review is out-dated. Take what is written here with a grain of salt.
I'll try to keep this brief, but I doubt I'll be able to, as there're more than a couple of issues with this work. Also, a note in advance: while this ‘review’ (in quotes because it’s more akin to a rant) focuses on the negative points, I'm not trying to be cruel. I believe that some solid criticism highlighting flaws can be used as a tool by the Author, whereas empty compliments (which, cynical as I am, are all I am capable of in this case) cannot. Keep that in mind.
Through dissecting the synopsis, we readers are to expect a tragic heroine - one who is misunderstood due to her physical appearance and cursed by a goddess, yet bore the burden of defeating the Demon King regardless... Only to find that the world she was transferred to after accomplishing the above feat wasn't her own.
Reading through the first couple of chapters (spoiler alert, I guess), it's revealed that she and her class were all transported to a world with a Demon King and tasked to defeat it. Izo - the protagonist of this story - wasn't the 'Hero', but more of a side character. The only reason she had to step up and slay the Demon King was because the Goddess decided to get frisky with the actual Hero, leading to the death of basically every other classmate in his absence.
Out of bitterness for her friend(s) being killed, Izo insulted the Goddess and was cursed for it, becoming hated by the vast majority of the world and losing much of her strength (which was a bit counterproductive on the Goddess' part, but I digress).
Still, Izo remained determined to return to her world, and went through hell and back to attain the power necessary to defeat the Demon King. When she finally succeeded, she was transported out of the world where she suffered, fought, bled, cried, and cursed for 10 years... Only to arrive in an 'alternate' world - one where Magic and Technology were developed equally. The 'Izo' and her classmates of said world were abducted by a Murderer rather than a Goddess, and were killed rather than transported to another world.
It sounds like a great premise to set up on, right? Surely the heroine of this tale is an unparalleled badass with a large number of mental and physical traumas to tackle, making room for character development. Surely she wouldn't be able to seamlessly fit into the ‘wrong world’ - one both strange and familiar - without some level of difficulty. Surely she would stick to her guns and try to find a way to get back to her true home over the '40' chapters that are currently available.
But no. Using 'Memory Spells' Izo adjusts to the world all too easily, and somehow has zero issues interacting with other people despite the ten years of being alienated and/or met with hostility - with the exclusion of her sour attitude towards Elves, the reason for which is never elaborated upon beyond a paragraph or two. Furthermore, that drive to go back to her original world somehow ceases to exist, and she starts using her worried alternate-world parents as coin purses to start up an Auction House while occasionally going out as an Adventurer to solve problems that happen to pop up without proper exposition, only to get no recognition for her efforts.
And know this, reader, those are only the problems that have to do with the plot and setting. They're big problems, but with the proper execution, it wouldn't matter. With proper elaboration of events and character development around the protagonist they wouldn't be so off-putting. But unfortunately, there're more problems - ones related to structure, grammar, and 'flow' - that have yet to be spoken about.
The first of these problems has to do with the Author's chosen tense: Third-Person Present. The norm for tenses is 'Third-Person Past', 'First-Person Present', and 'First-Person Past', and while it's alright to go to different tenses... There’s a reason why the above three are used more often: it’s harder to mess up in them, and even if you do, your readers should understand the tense well enough to patch any errors. Thus, while Third-Person Present could work... It didn’t in this case.
Because of the amount of grammatical/phrasing errors, I had to change a lot of what I read in my head. The problem with that is that one’s mind falls back on familiar things when trying to correct errors, and mine just happened to look towards First-Person Present or First-Person Past. This completely natural psychological function then led to even more errors, which I would then have to mentally dabble on... It was exhausting (and would probably be even more so for ESL readers), but at least it allowed me to glim over a certain First/Third-Person Present paragraph using 'Madam' to identify Izo while retaining the Third-Person's barring of 'I' (if it was First-Person it would have been coming from Izo's Maid, but it wasn't, thus the issue).
And on that note comes the second and third issues: awkward snippets of characters other than the protagonist, and a lack of 'show, don't tell'.
The former problem arises due to the fact that practically every character seems to be the same (minus some minor quirks). They mention other characters' names repetitively rather than using 'you' or 'they' - even if they've literally said their name in the previous sentence - making them seem overly polite. They're also stale, enough so that I stopped and thought to myself 'a real person wouldn't talk/act/respond like that,' on numerous occasions. While not all characters are so exceedingly simple, the vast majority of them are, and that’s a problem.
The latter problem is, unfortunately, very common among literary works, but requires mention nonetheless. I don't want to read actions that would be at home on a highschool script. If someone nods, what is the reason for it? What subtle actions and reactions are present upon being in the presence of their dialogue? People don't just do one thing at a time, and real groups don't just stand around and do nothing when someone does/says something. People also don’t just do things for the sake of doing them - unless they’re supposed to be animals in skin-suits, of course.
I'm not asking for every moment to be a work of art, as that would take far too long to read... But I shouldn't be able to skim over entire paragraphs of dialogue and see the same scene as someone who reads it all in detail. I should miss things - important things, interesting things, beautiful things.
Finally, we come to Grammar. We aren't all good at it, and I know better than to expect perfection... But there were an excessively large number of cases where I had to rearrange words to make them work, or move commas forward/back to get a satisfactory pause. Grammar affects the flow of dialogue, and that flow, in this case, is akin to a trickling river grinding to a halt due to a rockslide. I don't want to draw any conclusions on the Author's editing, but I can remember at least two instances off the top of my head where snippets of sentences/words were littered about in the middle of a paragraph for no foreseeable reason - something that wouldn't happen if the chapter was simply read over.
So there you have it: a list of problems that plague this work (although it definitely doesn't include all of them), all of which you'll encounter if you choose to read it.
If you can't handle the above: stay away. If you can: please, read on. Although the execution of the supposed premise has been less than stellar thus far, a hint of potential remains, and it may be worth your while to stick around.
What I like most about this story is that it takes cliches and applies common sense. It's rare to see an author pull that off when writing about a world of stat screens and magic. The protaganist (Izo) is rather bitter, but is very easy to sympathize with, especially given the circumstances, and the world she lives in feels organic. The LITRPG elements are subtle, and serve as helpful reminders rather than "end all be all" measures of progress.
My only issue, is that sometimes Izo's abilities seem a bit inconsistent, but most of that can be explained away or blamed on circumstances. It's a little hard to guage a character's prowess without a baseline so I'll give it a pass.
MC is set up to have a tragic past but then acts like a generic JP light novel character sent in another world , with her being incredibly OP . The story then becomes slice of life in style where nothing in this world demonstrates a challenge for the MC . The story fails for me to serve as wish fulfilment or be funny tale due to the tragedy of the MC’s past but it also doesn’t act as a serious piece. I just don't really understand the direction the author is taking it in.
Our Protagonist, Izo, is too sane and disciplined to be an arch-villain ... yet.
Being returned to a parallel world and assuming the identity of a namesake she is just attempting to live a prosperous and comfortable life. Leveraging the wealth of her new identity into an ambitious financial project.
With a world full of laughably inept Heroes the only question is when she will discover her inner 'Lex Luthor' ?
This seems really promising. Aside from the cheesy prologue, the first two chapters are pretty interesting. Will update this as the story progresses.
So far this looks pretty awesome, hopefully they make some good progress on this, will be fun to read
Loved Izo. This definitely has a lot of potential if the author ever chooses to return to it.
I’m a total sucker for these kinds of unique premises. I have long since gotten bored of practically every urban/paranormal/fantasy/romance novel with the same base formula that seem to clog up 90% of the shelf space at your local book store.
Thanks for submitting your work on RoyalRoad!
Commas are falling from the sky and sometimes end in the good place, sometimes not.
Not enough proofread which makes some chapters tiring to read.
I like the story and it's nice to be able to see the point of view of various characters. Thanks for your work and good luck, I believe it's difficult to be a writer.
we want more chapters!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A slightly different approach to the Isekai theme, so far has proved interesting despite the short chapters.
In DIRE need of a proofreader. Every single chapter I've read has multiple errors in grammar or spelling.