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Shango was just a regular 24 year old, getting by in life by doing numerous odd jobs. One day, he was summoned to an unknown world and found himself surrounded by people pointing swords at him, staring, as if they had never seen a black man before. This is a story of Shango’s struggle to change this world, dealing with racial issues, politics and everything else in-between.
Author's note:I'm going to try my best to have a chapter once a week . Constructive criticism is welcome, helping me find errors is more then welcome, I look forward to your help.
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Dude, this story has a LOT of potential and the world building and characters are very good with enough room to develop into unique characters, but you really should take the time to proofread your chapters for spelling mistakes because there are a TON of them and it's honestly the only really bad part that I can think of so far since it was really jarring and ruined the flow of the story. You should also describe people and environments in more detail. Work on these two things and it could become a great story!
P.S I don't like the brackets and would prefer "..." when characters talk, it clutters the page less
I enjoyed this novel, and the review i am about to write is going to make it sound like I didnt, but trust me I did. You wanted constructive criticism so I will give you some, just keep in mind I thought your novel has a good start.
So, i just finished reading the rage of dragons, it is an epic fantasy book and one of the best books i have read in the past ten years. Everyone and their dogs are praising, but not because it is a fantasy novel of spectacular craftsmanship, not because Tau is one of the most believable and driven characters I have ever read, not even because on a deeply human level I felt like I knew Tau, no, they are all talking about how the main character Tau is black , and that his people the Omehi are black. I have issues with people praising the novel for this, because I feel they are praising it for all the wrong reasons, yes the character is black, yes the Omehi are black, but that shouldn’t matter. What should matter is that the characters are amazing, well thought out and fully realized and the story is epic.
it is a trap our culture is causing us all to fall into, and it is a very thin line to walk, one that this novel is currently on the edge of. I like a character, no matter the race or gender if they are a good likable character. And while this novel has yet to get to that threshold where the color of the mc is more important than the MC’s character and actions i worry that it will soon. It just bugs me that the color of his skin keeps getting called attention to, we know he is black, you have explained that I have the image of the character in my head based on your discriptions and you don’t have to worry I wont forget he is black.
You have to be careful putting real world politics into a novel, as you risk alienating half of the people that would have read your work, I don’t say take it out, just that it is something you need to handle with care as it can and often will backfire on you.
I would suggest moving forward that you save the repeated mentioning of his skin color for moments where it would be more impactful and tasteful. Something brought up over and over again tends to wear a little thin after a time.
Now, that is enough about the politically charged issues this book has lets talk about the actual story.
this is, for all intents and purposes a iseki as most people know it. Aka transfered to another world, you know, a yankee in king Arthur’s court, or under an alien sun(or one of the millions of anime to come out in the past five years lol)
Despite it being a standard story it is quite well written, though I would suggest the use of an app like Grammarly, as there were still a few spelling mestakes, but more importantly there were some tense mestakes, and that bugged me more than anything. All in all this is a good story, you just have to be careful with how you handle situations to avoid alienating half your reading base.
Keep up the good work!
Obvious care and effort has gone into the making of this story, made especially apparent by reading the author's comments before certain chapters. Sadly, it is marred by significant technical errors and storytelling pitfalls that bring down the enjoyment value.
Paragraphs are a good size, not overly blocky. Chapters are also a good, snappy length, meaning it's not exhausting to read, but something you can put down and pick up at your leisure. The tone the author is setting up through the prose, however, falls somewhat short. I believe it's going for a comedic tone with some dramatic elements, featuring nudity for comedic purposes etc. However, in the end I was left with a sense of confusion, and found no real cohesion in how the narrative was presented.
It's a respectable attempt, but there are numerous mistakes here that bring down the enjoyment value.
It seems like a fairly standard narrative of a hero summoned into another world. It features some darker themes of racism (which I will discuss further in the following segment) to shake up the formula.
The characters could form the basis of an enjoyable comedic romp, but as of right now they don't really work. For the MC, it seemed as though the author wanted to create someone larger-than-life, a power fantasy, but in practice it comes off as heavy-handed. As this appears to be a somewhat character-driven story, I really think this is the part that needs the most work, and could very much use a deep pass of editing to really define what the author wants from the characters and to convey that properly to the readers.
Especially the racism angle, I think, ought to be handled with more care. At the point of the story I left off on, many characters in the story expressed their disdain for the MC because of his skin color, some even referring to him as sub-human, but I didn't ever feel there was a strong enough rebuttal to that from the MC or other characters in the story. At this moment, it feels like a jarring inclusion as most of the story is more light-hearted in tone. I believe it could use some adjustment to truly fit into the narrative.
Diverge Summoning has the potential to be a fun time, and has an author who is clearly passionate about delivering quality content. However, it is too rough at this time for me to give it a recommendation. I think a knowledgeable edit is all it needs to properly shine.
A black isekai protagonist, I'm not a racist so that's as fine as any in my own opinion.
The story's start is quite generic but it's an ok premise, we get some worldbuilding and nice interactions between the characters introduced so far.
Story is okay, Style is okay.
Grammar is the problem here, while I loathe to give it such a score but I must be honest, I sure hope the author edited the mistakes in the future.
Overall, with some editing, this story could be much better. This story is great and got a ton of potential so keep it up, author.
The first thing I noticed is that this story started 4 years ago. Kudos to the author for keeping on writing this story even if he is busy and the schedule is sporadic. As per the summary, this is a summoned-in-another-world story. It has some of the usual tropes of this genre, however, readers should keep in mind this was started 4 years ago so those tropes were not really that 'saturated' back then.
The author does have his own take on how to handle this genre. For one, we don't immediately start at the summoning. We get a good background on the characters of the world that will summon and the protagonist's life before he was summoned. Actually, we get a healthy amount of scenes of what's going on with the royal family, etc, in this new world even moving forward which usually doesn't happen in other stories of the same type. It adds to the realism and immersion.
The main character is also not just thrown in the wild to save the world, as usually happens in this genre. He is trained at taught what is going on and it takes some time before he goes off and adventures.
I am fine with the characters in this story. Like I said, I actually enjoyed learning about the characters of the other world, their lives and why they wanted to summon the main character. As for the main character, he has drawn inspiration from other MCs of isekai stories. That said, if the author wanted to tackle racism issues more then I feel like he should have more actions and thoughts towards that message.
The development of the system in this world is above average and not just a copy paste of other stories. It does draw inspiration from other works, but it also does it own thing. I could really say it stands on its own.
There are some grammatical errors here and there but it gets lesser as the story goes on, and I wasn't really taken out of it as I still understand the story.
Now, on to the more controversial topic. Racial issues. I can tell that it is the intention of the author to write it in so I think it is appropriate to discuss it as other reviews also discussed it. I find it very interesting to have a black protagonist transported into a typical fantasy world which is predominantly European. It is but reasonable that they'd react not so...normally. It is realistic and not political whatsoever. In fact, I personally think that the story is not really making a political statement but has realistic reactions that unfortunately can be interpreted in a political way by some readers depending on their background. So that would be the more challenging aspect of handling the story.
Note, the author may have changed things in the story regarding the racial issues as he did mention editing things so that might be the reason that I didn't find it to be politically charged or anything of the sort.
Anyway, as the story goes, it becomes more of the standard isekai...perhaps more developed than the average isekai story you'd find nowadays. So there wouldn't be much problems in my opinion if you want to be more focused on simply the story.
All in all, I hope the author gets more time to continue his story.