Rise of an Emperor [Dropped]

Rise of an Emperor [Dropped]

by Alverost

In the World of Cultivation, exists a legend, a prophecy - that a hero would rise. The hero would then bring the human race into a new era filled with peace instead of war and conflict. The hero would be world's only hope against the disaster that would soon appear.

Ignis, a cultivator of the Crimson clan, will he be the hero of the legend or will he simply be another cultivator that falls in the World of Cultivation

 

The cover is made by one of my closest friend, TheJackWrite.

Their work:

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/10192

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/10193

 

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Alverost

Alverost

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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Escribo
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Story
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There's interesting ideas here, I suggest following it and giving the author time to grow.

I liked the worldbuilding. It's a little heavy on infodumps, as a story writer's like to hide those in conversations and a lot of the information doesn't always relate directly to the story.

However, the author does the conversations and story construction well. It's a decent introduction to cultivation works if you've never seen one. The english is lacking, the author has a lot to learn about what 'sounds' right but being a native english speaker it wasn't that bad. Could definitely use an edit and a proofreader.

As for the infodumps, and there's a lot of them, they show a lot of thought and imagination put into the world. It seems like this is one of those stories that will ramp up as the author gets a better sense of what he's writing. 

Style- Simple, english needs work. Story makes a good amount of sense when it's not in infodump mode talking about the world, countries, and dragons. I'd recommend focusing on the MC and his life and what he knows. I got overwhelmed by all the detail, I imagine other readers will as well. We don't need all that information right away! However, the author does do a good job of telling you what you need to know for a specific scene, especially in chapter four with the infodump at the start that relates to events later that chapter.

Grammar- Needs work. Good basis seems to be there for the writer to improve upon. Lots of punctuation and tense issues tripped me up while reading but my mind didn't melt.

Story-World introduction so far focused on a boy learning how to cultivate. It's interesting because of how the author is interpreting and adding his own ideas of what a cultivation story is supposed to be, but it's not surprising otherwise.

Character-Not much personality to them yet. More like they are point of views for the world building right now. Main character conflict comes from a perspective of a teacher and student relationship. That kept me invested in the story enough to see more of the world building, but right now the character motivations don't feel compelling. 

 

TheJackWrite
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The story setting keeps me going.

The story setting keeps me going.
Some people might complain how the author explain to many unnecessary things but I think that is fine. I recommend ignore those thing and read his latest chapter because that really hooked me up.
I wouldnt touch his grammar but if i were to say about it.
He is learning.
In chapter 4 to 5, his grammar is good enough that its readable.
In chapter 6, with his friends help pr him, the chapter become good.

About that I will have to say one thing.
I am too hooked up with his story that I didnt even read people's comment and the author notes. I even write a review previously saying that his chapter 6 drastically become good even though i am one of that pr the chapter.

About the story:
Even though the boy in his story is common where the mc become strong, smart despite of his appearance. There is something that I like how the boy meet more people, how he was helped by mysterious people behind the scene and he get stronger not only by himself. 

So to reader. I hope you guys be patient for him and if there anything that you want to ask, just ask in the comment. He is learning.

Finally, I thoroughly recommend you people to read this if you like martial art and strong lead

Solfyr
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Definitely inexperienced. (reviewed to Ch. 5)

Every author has to start somewhere.

I'm not going to be apologetic for the harsh rating because it is an honest one.

Also, this is critiquing the author as an essential play by play. 

Spoilers will be referenced.

 

At first glance, the title, while generic is pretty good and does draw interest, so that's a bonus, however in the synopsis THE VERY FIRST THING that a reader sees there are a couple of spelling errors. If anything this is where your book starts and unless it's a troll fiction, it should be clean of most errors.

On to the prologue! 

Who cares! We, the readers, aren't here for your rambling. Gives us something interesting damn it! You've generated a prologue that will ONLY attract attention from those completely new to Xianxia, and at that point, I'd heartily recommend they read an actual work... like ISSTH. 

The reason why I'm stressing this is that the Prologue is almost as important as your synopsis for luring in readers, and if the prologue reads like "blah blah blah cultivation stereotypes blah blah blah" you've completely FAILED to hook anyone.

In the future, if you want to have a prologue you really should think of ways to make it novel even to veteran readers of Xianxia. The current prologue is just annoying. To be honest, I'd tell anyone who's read even a couple chapters of  Xianxia once in their lifetime to skip over the prologue and go to chapter 1.

On to Ch. 1! 

"The county of Fire. A county located north of the continent of Azazel, boarded by the county of water and wind. Controlled by a single clan famously known as the Crimson clan. While the county of water is ruled by the Aqua clan and the Ventus clan lead the county of wind."

NOPE! ABSOLUTE NOPE!

You have just introduced 7, SEVEN, notable groups at the same time. To an author, readers are like women; you RARELY gangbang women! Especially those you just met!!! 

This chapter is nigh unreadable with the spelling and tense errors...

"if someone do manage to capture one of the Elemental soul."

"If someone does manage to capture one of the Elemental Souls."

STOP THROWING MID GAME TERMS WHEN YOU HAVEN'T BUILT UP THE EARLY GAME!

You've gone from introduction of the MC to worldbuilding. This is not a transition! This is not easy to transition to! This is not good reading!!!

Phew. Wait what?! I'm only a third of the way through ch.1?!

Wait... this is literally in the wrong order. SO many issues could be solved putting the training chunk BEFORE the worldbuilding chunk! You set a foundation AFTER you built the house!!!

Needless throwing of idioms~! Yay! Idioms are idioms because they're uncommon phrases commonly understood, yet here are two idioms in one sentence... that is what we call purple prose.

On to ch. 2! I've lost interest at this point proceed by amusing self through wittiness!

Cultivation convenience store now open for business! Come one, come all! We've got legendary books on the floor and crystals falling from the sky! 

Hello! my name is "the legendary encyclopedia of conveniently related knowledge" that dates back several thousand years! I even know the people who failed to do small things, like when they dropped their fork!

Ah, the legendary Fate armor! "why do these sexy girls who're in love with me keep falling from the sky!?" 'it's Fate bruh.'

On to ch. 3!

CALL IT THE FREAKING DESERT COUNTRY! IT DOESN'T NEED A FANCY NAME.

"the author introduced something inconvenient, but our MC already has access to the convenient counterpart so why do the readers care? oh, wait, it's worldbuilding." 

Oh look! everyone knows legendary knowledge! 

Oh, look! Everyone is at the legendary realm which can absorb world Qi! 

On to Ch. 4.

This isn't even Xianxia at this point... its essentially YiYi

What part of having your MC babied is Heroic? Or Heroic to the point of being a legend? 

On to Ch. 5... Oh, look...

OOH! the training sequence I love training! So there's going to be unshaken focus!? Bone-breaking waterfalls!? Harsh fights under the beating sun!?

...

"I did this in 1/80,000th  of the time it takes an incredible genius." (not exaggerating either...)

So... How is he going to perform any reasonably heroic actions if he's going to curb stomp on everyone 500 years older? He didn't even put any effort into it.

 

In a summation of two points:
PR mistakes and abused tropes abound and each chapter is a veritable mine of tropes.

I wouldn't recommend this story to anyone as the power scaling is poorly thought out and will quickly turn into a "POWER LEVELS ARE BS." situation.