- Sexual Content
Kira Anderson has never had it easy. He finally worked up the courage to admit his feelings to his crush since middle school only to be shot down cold. He has always had a tall and frail body structure causing him to be picked on a lot, his name didn't help any either. His parents are divorced and he lives with his dad's ex-wife who is not even his real mother, but treats him like more of a son than his biological parents ever did. The only thing that has brought him sanity in his depressing life is his ex-stepmom and video games. One night, while he is sleeping, he is given the chance to grasp what he desires.
Cover Art is a picture from Google Images. Feel free to submit some drawings if you want (even though I really like this picture)
This is another story that I have been thinking about writing and I haven't been able to get some of it out of my head. I am going to write this one along with my other story. (Warning story is partially wish fullfilment.)
Chapter release times and daters are honsetly whenever I can.
Also, if any one has anything to add that they feel would make this story better please let me know although I can't promise that I will add it in or change something I will at least take your ideas into consideration as long as it don't change my view for the story too much.
Please read all the chapters posted before getting mad over something that doens't make sense, it may have been explained in the next chapter or a later chapter. If it has not been explained feel free to comment or pm me and I will do my best to explain it in a future chapter or in a reply for you.
- Overall Score
- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
- Total Views :
- Average Views :
- Followers :
- Favorites :
- Ratings :
- Pages :
Leave a review
There are things I like about this story, and things I don't like so much.
The idea of the game (a game world you visit while dreaming in real life) and the added wrinkle that things from the game may carry over to real life combine to make things potentially fascinating. The idea of a newbie learning the ropes in a paramilitary guild-like mercenary outfit is not new but always leaves room for constructive character-building.
On the other side of the coin, the main character's immaturity is a bit irritating. What do I mean by immaturity? I mean that his emotional responses are exaggerated, that his first thought is always to use violence, that he has no understanding of a graduated and proportionate response to provocations, that he sneers at others and in general has the charm of a rattlesnake.
Nevertheless, I find the story gripping and there are plot developments that sustain interest. I believe the story has the potential to be pretty good if the protagonist can learn to be less impulsive, less self-indulgent, and less immoderate in his emotional responses.
There's a lot here I want to like, but it's hard to keep reading. I find myself forgiving too many minor nitpicks and then get slapped in the face repeatedly by things I just can't ignore.
To start, every character speaks with the exact same tone. Aside from their names there's little to differentiate them. I feel like the arbitrary need to hide his status as player just adds to this.
My main complaint is that everything just falls into Kira's lap. This goes above and beyond luck. It literally happens back to back.
Him getting an OP system was to be expected. The next chapter the system literally gifts him a wife. She's okay with a harem, but it's an artificial relationship that detracts from everything else. Especially when there was two other love interests already in the works. His own mom doesn't even bat an eyelash at this.
Two chapters later he's literally handed broken dual pistols mysteriously tailored to him. Not only are they broken weapons, but they also have healing and stun functions. And this is all before he's even started his journey.
A few quick nitpicks to rattle off before finishing this. Playing card motif uses the number one despite that not being a playing card. Fourth wall breaks even though there is no real precedence for them. The author needing to pop in to explain their own ideas to the reader out of character.
Haaaa, i don't know if i can keep on reading this for now i'm at ch.3, it feels to much like a chuunibyou's secret diary, there are to many inconsistencies, the caracters are badly designed, and while the grammar is good the style is pretty mediocre.
The protagonist is the standard emo kid who in reality is special snowflake. Meaning it's a standard guy who had a tragic past because the author decided so (it doesn't make any sense). All the interactions feel wrong. Because they are (es. MC goes to sleep and find himself in a fantasy world, reaction: none. MC discovers that aliens have created a liveing being to be his slave and wife (while it should not be possible since he is a minor), reaction: i want to have sex with her.), seriously, it all seems taken out of an hentai. And the style is as i said just mediocre, not terrible, but not good either, i think the writer is either pretty young or isn't a native speaker.
Id Like more please!? dont go on hiatus with this and universal strengh as well as asuras PLEASE!!!!!!!
So currently at the latest chapter. Story is much better than I was led to believe through the reviews. Not the best story obviously but it's fun and the MC is nowhere near as "chuuni" as people think. Plus he isn't a ball less fuck who ignores his girls.
Honestly, Just found this and picked it up. Its great and I love reading it. Read all the chapters so far in like 3 hours. Awesome job so far and can't wait to get more!
I've paid for worse stories on Amazon!!! Love this story! I wish there was a patron account I could pay to keep reading. I'm dying here without the next chapter!
this story is wonderful: there is development for both worlds; depth to all the characters; a feeling of change; and a general 'good vibe' for the story. my only problem with this story is the speed of updates/ammount of chapters, but that is expected as the author is doing this for fun in his/her spare time. thanks and i hope this continues for a long time.
Honestly, i spent few days to read this one and asuras. Lets be honest, i love ur story. The harem was good ,every character has background. The think is the story is... Too smooth i feel. Theres no mountain to pass, no hardwork, its too easy, its still early so i guess u can change it. Give it a conflict a bit, a rival, an enemy and problem hard to conquer.